Jilliane's 1st X'mas (thru her eyes)

It started out on a cold, wet X'mas Eve.

Mummy bundled me up in a pink poncho and off we went to church to wish Jesus happy birthday.

Mummy says Jesus on this day, many many years ago was like me, a little baby.. but he was born in a manger, whilst I had a comfortable time in the hospital nursery.


Daddy, Mummy, Ah Gong & Ah Ma had a feast, including a delicious looking log cake. I was forced to take a picture with the log cake. I just do not understand why I had to take a photo with food I can't even taste!


X'mas day itself was exciting! I had many presents, mainly clothes & toys.


In the afternoon when the sky started to clear, we headed down to Centrepoint as Mummy wanted to head for the Robinson's sale. I guess it's more toys & clothes for me! But alas, the crowd was horrendous and Mummy gave up. We ended up with coffee at New York New York.

That's my story for my 1st Christmas..

1 year ago

It's been a year since I was in Hokkaido, totally free spirited with no worries about time & money. We just did what we wanted, went wherever we felt like going but 365 days later, all these have changed.

I didn't know then that JD was already "baking" inside me. This term "baking" was coined by JD's daddy. I was drinking beer, snow skiing, jumping up & down in the snow & going to onsens almost daily. All these are strict no-nos when one's pregnant and I'm so grateful that my baby is out big & strong.

I can still remember wondering to myself why Hokkaido was not as cold as everybody claimed it was. It's hard to fathom how could I be shivering in Jeju but not in Hokkaido which is so much colder. I couldn't understand why I was dead beat by 7pm every night. As unlikely as it may sound, I attributed it initially to the long days and.. age. I had packed tons of pads to Japan, expecting my period but it never came. Again, I brushed it off, afterall I never had regular periods and being away in a cold, foreign land is a high possibility for the delay.

When I touched down in Singapore on New Year's eve, I tested, just for fun. It was negative. The next day, still no sign of blood. Hmm, I tested again. Negative. Well ok, I guess my period's super delayed. On 2nd January, I woke up early for work. Didn't know what to do so just took out another kit to test. 2 lines appeared this time round! I was shocked and excited. I called DW into the bathroom to see, just to ensure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. When he saw, he just looked at me blankly and asked, er.. so,what does that mean.. I went HUH.. you are the one who's been moaning to me for the past year that u want to be a father and now you are asking me what the 2 lines represent? Bish bish. MEN! Made a quick phone call to Gin who told me to visit Doc Fong straight away. I did and the rest is history.

Well, it's 1 year later and here I am now, blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Sure, it's hard work balancing a career, being a daughter, a wife and a mom but what I have in return is a wonderful family whom I can experience the X'mas warmth & festive cheer with.

Merry Christmas everyone & hope that 2009 will bring about good tidings for all for us!

An old friend

I found an old friend, a friend whom I got to know 11 years ago whilst working at a retail shop, on facebook recently. He was someone dear to me but somehow we lost contact along the way, especially when I was busy in the midst of my wedding preparations.

Through facebook, I discovered that he was recently married, posted to France and having a seemingly good time there. He drives an SLK and his wife is a tai tai. Not from a well-to-do family and certainly not one who was good academically, he was one of the most unlikely persons to have reached this status and I'm damn proud of him that he has finally achieved it. I'm sure his mom in heaven is equally pleased with her son's success. The irony is that just a decade ago he was saving hard to join our mutual friend (his girlfriend then) in France when she went over for a study stint but didn't eventually as they separated just before. Yet now, he is there with a big fat pocket and with his wife who was actually his ex girlfriend whom he had broken up with, to be with our mutual friend. Er, not too complicated to decipher I hope!

I'm sure our mutual friend who is happily married now to someone else, does not regret not continuing her relationship with this guy but she does wonder what will her life be like now if she had gotten married to him instead. Will she be enjoying the tai tai lifestyle, driving the SLK along the beaches in Nice and attending the closed door LV sales in Bordeaux?

Fate does funny things to us. Another friend was sharing with me that when she was born, her parents had brought her to the fortune teller who said that she will have 2 因緣 when she's 20+ yrs old and both paths are totally different. True enough, she was presented with this choice and she opted for the new 因緣 . She does think of her ex boyfriend occasionally and does think of what would her life be like if she had decided to stay with him but there's no way she can turn back the clock so she's better off making the best out what she's got now.

Likewise, I was initially reluctant to go to Bangkok when Windie "jio" me as I had unfinished business to settle in Singapore. But eventually I thought a break would be good and asked Mich along. Somehow I decided to ask Marc as well since he was going after Mich then, and who in turn asked Jack to join us. And who would have thought Jack would back out at the last minute leaving DW to take his place! All these happened totally unexpectedly and for a very good reason too - I met the most wonderful man ever & he is now my husband! My 因緣.

Anyway, back to my original topic, I wish this old, dear friend of mine happiness forever and if you ever read this blog, know that you will always be on my mind :)

Why is JD crying?

Frankly, if I knew the answer, I don't think I will still be looking so flustered, trying hard to calm her down. I don't understand these people. They see JD crying and keep asking me why is she crying. Don't they realise that babies can't talk and sometimes it is not that easy to distinguish their cries. This is just Group 1.

Then, group 2 are those people who keep dishing out advice, like baby crying so baby hungry so feed baby now (wtf! I just fed her like half hour ago), or don't go near baby when she's crying, let her cry or else I'll be spoiling her (wtf! try doing that with your own baby, I think you'll run to your baby faster than I did with mine!). Another classic, why your baby has so many spots on her face, you cannot always kiss her (wtf! From what I know it's because baby's skin is still adjusting itself to environment outside the womb so any slight contact with foreign objects like dust may cause baby acne. If it's anything else, I think it's because of your filthy hands touching her which gave her the spots). These are just 3 examples out of many many which I encounter very often.

June (and many other mothers as well), I'm sure you are able to empathize with my frustrations of having to settle a wailing baby and still put up with the nonsensical comments from other people at the same time.

It's not that I do not appreciate advice given to me. I'm grateful that people do care but sometimes they have got to understand that just because they give advice, it doesn't mean the recipients have to adopt them. I may later on if circumstances arise but it need not be now. I will never forget this once when I made 30ml of milk for JD as a top up to her earlier 60ml and this person asked me what rubbish was I doing and forced me to add another 30ml to the earlier 30ml. I didn't want to seem rude so I just quietly did what was asked of me. Well of course JD drank 30ml only and the rest had to be discarded. Need I say more? Would you know JD's appetite and feeding habits better than me?

To mothers to be, always believe in yourself. Listen to what people around you are saying but ultimately, remember that only you know what's best for your child as you are afterall your child's mother.

To my friends, my family and strangers I meet on the streets, thank you for your well meaning advice but if after hearing you out, I give you a nod and a smile please just leave it as that. I have noted your comments and will keep them in mind. Do not insist I implement your advice immediately in front of you to show that I have understood. I have.

Robinsons

I never could understand what was so hip about Robinsons. The clothes there were boring (and probably still are, with the exception of Coast) and I had always thought it was only a place where aunties congregate. How could it have survived for so long! Why was Robinsons' sale THE Sale worth waiting for? At this point, I was still hanging out at Zouk or MOS every Friday & Saturday.

As I was preparing for my wedding, my shopping list began to change slightly. Yes, there were still clothes & shoes on the list but bedsheets, quilts & pillows were slowly added. This was when I started to get excited about each Robinsons' sale. That would mean I could buy even more pillows, better quality bedlinens at a much lower price. It didn't help that Winsland House was only a stone's throw away. Every lunch time will be spent just walking round & round the household department. It was ok that I came out empty handed, as long as I had my kick of checking out the bedlinens and seeing which one had more threadcounts. Btw, I love Hush Puppies Royal, lovely to sleep on.

Now that I have a kid, it's getting even more exciting! Extra discount for card members means more savings for me. A mailer from Robinsons usually includes a voucher to offset against my total purchase. Doesn't matter that I'm no longer working at Winsland House. DW now is. *grins*. So I send him there ever so often to buy things on my behalf, or should I say, JD's behalf. The shopping list has now evolved to include toys, baby bottles, baby clothes. Yes, the 6th floor is our new found shopping haven.

I finally understand what's the big deal about a Robinsons' sale. I've graduated to Aunty status.

Cyclists

I loathe the cyclists I meet on the roads every morning. From Paya lebar, to Guillemard, along the Nicoll Highway up to Raffles Place.

Some obviously think that they are still in their homeland. Some behave as though they are from _ _ _ _ _. Their bikes are old & rickety. They ride on the roads, against the traffic. They ride all over the place from the left lane to the right lane. They don't have the common sense to know that riding at the side of the lane doesn't help either as cars are too big to squeeze through 3/4 of the remaining lane and will still need to cut out to the next lane. They don't pay road tax. They don't pay traffic fines. They don't pay ERP. They get the choice of cycling on pavements and roads. They get to choose to either endanger lives of pedestrians or ruin the future of drivers. They are able to utilize the green, red man or the greed, red, amber lights, whichever turns 1st in their favour. They get away with everything that we drivers don't. They have the privilege of ringing their bells incessantly at us pedestrians & glare at us as though we are taking up their space.

More patrolling should be done around these areas. Laws should be enforced to ensure that these people are educated, albeit the painful way. Fine them, throw them in jail. Do whatever, just take the menace off the roads.

I loathe them.

Smashed mug

JD kicked my favourite Garfield mug this morning and it smashed into pieces. Instead of looking apologetic, she started crying very loudly as though it was our fault that the sudden "piang" startled her. Tsk. Badly behaved. I was so sad when I saw the smashed cup on the floor and immediately wanted to rant at DW & JD but I controlled, breathed in and out 10 times and I walked away to get a broom.

But within myself I know that no other will ever take the place of my Garfield cup. It can't even be found anymore. And even if I had a new one, the exact same one, it still just wouldn't be the same.

:(

FTWM

FTWM - full time working mom.

For the 1st time, I finally experienced what it feels like. This is my 4th day and I can't help but think of my past carefree days when I could afford to laze an extra minute in bed. My schedule is pretty much fixed. It starts at 6am everyday and depending on THE empress dowager, it's either I start off my day by feeding her or start off by washing & sterilizing the bottles from the midnight feeds.

Life has more or less been a routine since the arrival of Jilliane. Early awakenings, interrupted sleeps, diaper changing, cleaning bottles, feeding every 3 hours. Sometimes I wished I had a maid to whom I could throw these tasks too but usually after such a thought, I will feel guilty and quickly brush it off. These are all part & parcel of motherhood and nothing will mean more to me than knowing that I was there for her throughout the bad and the good.

I had a lunch session today with a single, 40+ yr old female and she began lunch by criticizing me. First she commented how fat I am, then she focussed on my slight paunch, then it went onto how aged I look now and that I can no longer have a life, travelling & going places. As if that was not enough, she said I will never be pretty again. I was offended but I bravely told her that I am enjoying myself with my daughter and I am contemplating making a trip overseas with her soon. In fact I had just checked SQ's website before lunch and it costs $32 for her to fly to KL. On top of that, I'm also toying the idea of having a 2nd one soon. She must have been shocked at my response, given her look of disbelief and told me sarcastically to take care & to call her if I ever need help to discipline my daughter. Is she mad from the lack of men in her life or what? I really wonder. And the biggest irony, I think her butt is bigger than mine despite not having gone through any delivery at all, except perhaps for the delivery of shit from her asshole.

Come on, I don't look all that bad right? I think if I were to head to Zouk tonight, I'm sure I will still have my fair share of admirers. Hmmph! *Thick-skinned Moninet* Whahahaha!

A Mother's Reflection

An excerpt from Advent 2008 Reflections:

"He slipped into this world into my arms, placed there by heaven. He is straight from God. He is an indescribable gift. As I looked upon him, peace & purity fill the air around him. Through joyful tears I whisper in his ear, "We are glad you are here. We waited so long to see you." He opens his eyes and I am transformed. A timeless moment filled with infinity of what life is. In his eyes I see total recognition, unconditional love and complete trust. I am a mother. In that instant I feel, and in my heart I know, everything I need to know to guide him.

Time will fly; suddenly he will be grown, a young adult ready to soar into the world and give what he came here for. Letting go will be wrenching and yet we know that he is not ours to keep. He came to us to teach us lessons, to give us joy, to make us whole and to connect us to God. My hope and prayer that as his mother, I am able to serve him well."

Divine Intervention

This is a pic of my baby's foot when she was hospitalised recently. It was heart wrenching to see a tiny baby having to go through so many tests and to be in such pain. For the 1st time ever, I could truly feel like a mother. Now I understand what people mean when they say a mother's love is unconditional. If only I could take over baby girl's pain, take over her suffering, I would. This whole episode was traumatising, especially when her fever sky rocketed. Each time it happened, my heart would sink with worry. It didn't help when it occurred in the middle of the night and I was alone in the hospital room. Nevertheless I'm glad that this ordeal is over and my baby girl is now back to smiling & cooing right here at home.

At the beginning, I was helpless since I couldn't do anything to help my baby girl, except to leave her in the trusted hands of Dr Cheng & the kind nurses at East Shore. Then my mother urged me to pray to St. Gerard. I did. I prayed alot. I asked St Gerard to take care of my baby girl. I prayed to Jesus, I prayed to Mother Mary. Somehow, praying gave me more confidence in my girl's recovery. And I thank them for putting my girl back on the road of recovery. My mother prayed to St Jude. She prayed fervently too.

I've never been a very pious person. I had always taken religion for granted. Going to church on Sundays was more of an obligation to my parents than anything else. However these began to change when I met DW. The amazing thing was he's not even a Catholic, yet he was adamant that we follow the Christian faith closely. It surprised me to see him participating happily during Sunday masses and I began to reflect on myself.

Since I began to open myself more to God, I realised that he has helped me in more ways than one. Having to attend the Engagement Encounter was the 1st step that God helped me to prepare for my marriage. Subsequently, up till today, I know that not once did I walk alone, not during my pregnancy, not during my delivery and definitely not for the past week.

I'm convinced that divine intervention plays an important role in our lives. It doesn't necessarily have to be my God. It could be any religion that one believes in. As long as we know that somewhere out there, there is someone looking out for us.

Post Natal Blues

I never expected that I would be hit by these. I've always thought myself to be a happy go lucky, independent, strong woman. But I guess the toll of motherhood just got the better of me & I just had to let myself go, let myself holler the house down & behave exactly like my little baby.

Dw was aghast at what he witnessed. He's been informed of the possibility of depression of women after delivery but I suppose he himself was not prepared of the senseless & incomprehensible behavior of his wife. At one point, out of desperation, he screamed, how was he to handle a bawling baby & a bawling wife at the same time! Now that I think back, it was funny & I felt sorry for him at that point. Husbands certainly do not have it easy now too, compared to our fathers' generations where they were mostly not required to participate in the caring of their children.

One thing I've learnt from these episodes was that it helps to just cry it ALL out. There's really no point in trying to suppress your emotions. Hormones are uncontrollable. After my last cry about a week back, which undoubtedly was the best one I had, I actually felt much more recharged and bounced back to looking after Jilliane with a surge of renewed energy.

And yes, I believe I'm still that independent woman as when I cried, I demanded to be alone. I didn't need wishy washy, feel good words fr Dw or anyone else.

My delivery story

30 August 2008 - Saturday, 10am

Doc Fong checked that cervix was very soft but water level had gone down since last appt a week ago and baby was moving less. Put me on CTG, was already having regular contractions every 10 mins but I wasn't even aware of it! He wanted me to check in to hospital for a more thorough check up but I pushed it till the next day as I wasn't mentally prepared yet. But he pre-empted me that I may be one of those who may deliver in a taxi as my cervix was soft and labour could be fast. He thought for a while and said 31 August was ok but if I bled or had water leaking or contraction pains, I had to admit immediately. Agreed!

31 August 2008 - Sunday

5.45am - Woke up to pee, discovered blood in the toilet bowl. Woke DW & mom up. Mom to make breakfast for me & DW to get ready to send me to hospital. Cervix mucus plug has dislodged!

6.30am - Arrived at Mt Alvernia and proceeded to be admitted.

7.30am - 1st VE (which was bloody painful even though I was high on gas) - dilated 1.5cm. Sigh.. what a long way more to go. If I ever have a 2nd kid, I don't think I will rush to hospital so soon.

10.30am - 3cm dilated. Doc Fong broke my water bag... ewee... hot gushes of water just wouldn't stop flowing.

11am - Epidural by Doc Chong.. Epi is as godsent! No pain, no tension, no stress.

1.30pm - 4cm dilated... aiyoh, another 6cm more to go, that could be nightfall!

3.30pm - Fully dilated! I had a shock! So soon!! Told the nurse to take her time. I wasn't in a hurry to give birth, heheh..

4.30pm - started pushing. Baby's head could be seen. It was tiring and I suggested using vacuum. Finally BB Jilliane was born!

Publish Post

New baby gifts

A pretty baptism dress with matching ballerina shoes from Pam &
a pretty bathtub from Angie!

Anytime soon...

As of last Sat's checkup, Doc Fong could feel JD's head. Whenever I think about this, I can't help wondering what was going through JD's mind.. Was she thinking: What's that rubbing on my head? Who's calling me.. hello hello.. I wanted to ask Doc Fong if he could feel she had hair, but I decided against it, he's been very patient with seemingly silly and endless questions from me for the past 8 months. Morever, the cervix check was traumatising and uncomfortable enough and Doc Fong is already considered super duper gentle. I can't imagine how much more uncomfortable it would be when it's the midwife (FEMALE - who most of the time are less sympathetic with other females as they probably have experienced it themselves and couldn't care less about making you feel good, afterall there's no harm involved) who's going to check my cervix during labour. Anyhow, my cervix has not opened yet but it's apparently very very soft, with baby's head very very low and I've been told it could be anytime this week. I've been told to walk alot more now to have an easier labour.

JD, JD, your papa's very excited to see you. He's been trying to coax you daily to pop. Are you going to come out this week? Aunty Mo already said she'll see you this week when she bade you farewell last Saturday. Though my next appt with Doc Fong is next Sat, but he said most likely the next time he'll see me will be at Mt Alvernia. But somehow mama wants you to hang on till next weekend. I've applied my maternity leave to start from 1 Sept.. Well, JD - you decide what's best for you ya! *wink wink & muacks muacks*

Sha la la in the morning

Wow! The M&P package has actually been backdated to 17 Aug 2008! I am of course overjoyed! This means more time & more money for JD, though I must admit I'm quite skeptical at the sudden change in less than a day. Those who follow politics closely will know what I mean. But, what the heck, politics is afterall, dirty. To me, it doesn't matter how it's played, as long as my objective is met and no harm comes to anyone in the process.

Nevertheless, I'll give our current government the benefit of doubt, that the modern Singapore government is pro liberalisation, consultative and open to criticisms and feedback.

Thanks to all who made this possible: God, our nation's leaders, Felicia and all who contributed to the petition and also not forgetting Mo & Fong, who bore most of the brunt of my ranting since Wednesday!

Mass disappointment by Aug - Dec 08 MTB

The online petition by parents of babies due from Aug - Dec 08:
www.petitiononline.com/mums2008/petition.html

The media has been reporting on issues like how people are pleased with the new goodies dished out, for eg: the IVF subsidies & tax reliefs. There're also reports on how employers are concerned that the 4th month of maternity leave will affect work efficiency. However, these only serve to reflect & emphasize the kindness of the government. I've yet to see any reports on the disappointment felt by many other people affected which has been taking root since 1pm on 20 Aug 2008.

It leaves me to wonder if this online petition will see any changes or make any difference. This is a big enough issue for the media to pick up on. However if there's no squeak about this in the media, then we all know for sure what's going on behind the scenes. *Evil Snigger*

Govt's rationale

What's the rationale behind the cut off date for the enhanced motherhood package?

Yes, I understand that there has to be a cut off date and not all decisions will please everyone. But why 1 Jan 2009? It's neither here nor there. If talk abt fairness, then shouldn't it be either wef May or June 09, afterall, the purpose is to encourage couples to start a family. But then again, since when was life fair? hmmph.

My baby is due anytime now and I feel a little sad that I'm not eligible for the 4th month maternity leave. It even pains me more knowing that I've lost the chance to "earn" the $7k cash benefit extended by the govt for 1st borns. If I can feel this this way, just imagine those mothers due in December 08! I wonder how's Pam taking this news.

Nevertheless, regardless of what tangible benefits I may have missed out and how disappointed I am with the policymakers, I'm still grateful for this little wonder inside my tummy. It's more than what I can ask for. All I hope now is to have a smooth delivery & a healthy baby.

Oh btw, congrats Lenggu, on the birth of your bb girl!

Stay a while more in there JD!

JD's 3kg (+/- 10%) at 37 weeks, 3 days. Doc Fong says it's a good weight for delivery & JD's really low now so I should start walking alot to expedite labour.

But.. but.. there is going to be an extra 4 weeks of maternity leave and higher financial incentives for 1st born. So JD, just hang in there for a while more alright! Mama needs to find out when is the effective date. If it's September 08, I think it's really worth it to just nest inside Mama's warm & comfortable womb till the time's ripe, so Mama can spend a whole extra month with you!

Support Sg's Gold Hope or Sg's PM?

Tough choice? On one hand, I'm keen to know what are the upcoming benefits that we mothers to be are going to enjoy and on the other, I'm eager to watch the live match that our table tennis team is going to play this Sunday.

So, should it be 7.30pm on Ch U or 8pm on Ch 5? The force tells me... 7.30pm on Ch U. The excitement that a live match brings on can never be replaced whilst PM's rally speech can always be read in the next morning's papers.

But frankly, if I were the PM, I would change the timing of my speech so as not to deprive my fellow Singaporeans a chance of screaming & supporting our national team. Afterall, this may be our only chance for the next 48 years :P

Pride & Prejudice

For the past 3 consecutive days, from the telly to newspapers, I've been engulfed in scenes from the Beijing Olympics & Singapore's National day.

No, I'm not going to start comparing the opening ceremony of the Beijing games to our National day parade. That wouldn't be fair as it akins to comparing apple to orange & to hell to anyone who tries to do that. (Yes, I'm referring to you, Simone aka Glenn Ong's schizo personality. Btw get out of of the Morning Express, you've made my Monday morning ride to work very painful).

I've always felt proud to be a Singaporean. Yes, I do have grouses against some actions of the government and some bad habits of fellow Singaporeans. Nevertheless, I know that despite these shortcomings, I grateful for the security, the stable government and the familiarity of my family and friends.

Thou I'm not a China nationality, I'm Chinese in race and I felt a surge of pride sore through me when I saw how beautifully the opening ceremony in Beijing was executed. It's amazing that a country that was so backward just a decade back could put up a show that mirrored or even bettered the ideas & technology that the West, who has been in this "game" much longer. It put to shame the many Westerners who have condemned the notion of the games being held in China. And it sure wasn't surprising to read that some praises from the West were given grudgingly and some were still insistent that the Opening Ceremony sucked. This only further emphasizes their prejudice and lack of objectives.

Having said that, I give the benefit of the doubt that these black sheep do not represent the views of the majority of the West. Seeing tears almost welling up in Michael Phelps' eyes and his emotional expression when the US of A's national anthem was being played after he was awarded his 1st gold medal, it seemed so genuine that the reason he was in Beijing and he won was because of his passion and love of the sport. He did not succumb to the nonsense of Steven Spielberg or Nicolas Sakorzy. It was also a wonderful feeling seeing Larsen Jensen giving Park Tae Hwan a congratulatory hug immediately upon learning that the latter had come in 1st. This is true sportsmanship. No politics to mar the spirit of the Olympics.

An update on JD @ 35 wks gestation

She's no longer that fat! Haha.. 2.5kg, which is 200g more than what she was 2 weeks back. Even mama lost weight. I told Doc Fong yesterday that it's probably due to the trauma & pain that the trigger finger caused, that I could hardly eat nor sleep for the past week. But at least this gives me a chance to talk to DW before he sleeps every night. I'm awake by 5.30am every morning and that's 10.30pm in London.

She's turned, not engaged yet but at least her head is down already and her legs are right at my ribs. No wonder, recently I've been having the constant urge to pee and her kicks can be felt even more strongly!

My next appointment is in 2 weeks time and I think my cervix is going to be checked then for any dilation. Eweee.. I dread to think about it. Heard it's going to hurt when Doc's fingers "go in".. Eweee...

Excruciating pain

It's starting to hurt badly. I'm now using one hand to type & I'm almost close to tears.

This time round, I really feel totally helpless. Why must this happen to me at this time where nothing can be done to alleviate the pain? Am I that "suay"? I'm so tempted to go for a c-sect now so I can quickly have the steriods injected. 1 month more is like such a long time away... isn't there anything that can be done? :**(

Trigger Fingers

It's official. Doctor has diagnosed my condition as trigger fingers. However as I'm now preggie, it's not wise for him to inject the steriod at the bottom of my middle finger. The only thing I can do now is to do finger exercises daily, ie to open my hands to force all the fingers to straighten and clench my fist repeatedly 2o times, one set when I wake up & one set before I sleep. In any case, the steriod injections can only be a maximum of 3 times in one lifetime, if the 3 jabs do not work, the last option will be an operation to cut off the tendon.

I thought trigger fingers will only hit adults like after 50 yrs old, those who do manual work. Apparently this is a myth. The doctor cautioned me against wringing clothes dry after hand wash, I should just let the clothes drip dry (Guilty - have been busy washing JD's clothes) and carry bags using fingers' strength instead of the palm (Guilty once again). Well friends, take care whilst you still can. Don't stinge on a washing machine!

Left fingers are stuck!

I dunno what's going on but I'm worried. My index, middle & ring fingers snap whenever I try to straighten them so I've to keep them perpetually bent. The worst is my middle finger. It started on Friday and it seems to have gotten bad over the night, despite me applying the heat rub & tightening the area with plaster. The only relief is that it doesn't hurt. But sometimes, no pain may not necessarily be good news.

I'm scared it could be carpal tunnel syndrome or trigger fingers. I hope not and also hope it's not anything else worse but rather, something just temporary. My fingers are not as swollen as some other preggers so I'm not too sure if this is due to water retention.

Dw will be off for a week from tomorrow. I dread the days when I'll be alone. He's been a true pillar of support for the past 8 months and now that due date is drawing nearer and more health "problems" seem to be cropping up, I won't be surprised to feel insecure & restless if he's not around.

Think I will see the doctor 1st thing tomorrow morning, get this worry out of mind before I'm left alone to face it myself when night falls.

Nesting

I've been busy cleaning & packing up my room, busy washing JD's clothes, busy wiping off the dust on my furniture at home. They call this nesting, cleaning as though your mother in law is coming over for a visit.

Apparently this is a common behaviour of mothers who are nearing delivery of their babies. There doesn't seem to be a scientific reason to explain this, perhaps it's nature's way of training mtb for the arrival of the little one.

It's amazing how I did not feel compelled to do these chores. Unlike CNY's spring cleaning when my mom has to constantly nag at me to clean up my room, I was on auto pilot mode this time round! It can be akin to how some people can strangely find the pain of tattooing addictive. Nesting seems highly addictive too. Once I started, it was hard to stop. Probably the only reason that made me stop was because I was getting breathless with all the bending & squatting. Btw, the washing machine is out of order so the clothes were handwashed all the way.
I've set aside a little space in my existing wardrobe for JD, doesn't seem sufficient, just look at the amount of clothes that she has for just the 1st 6 months of her life!

Speeds up, with new ERP gantries: LTA - 9 July 2008

Just wondering.. what were the 1st thoughts that swept across your mind when you saw this headline?

For me, I was insulted. Deeply insulted. Did LTA think I was an idiot? Any person with the most minimal brain cells can tell you that. It doesn't take a team of civil servants to do any checks or survey after the implementation. I could even have told LTA that before 7 July 2008 and made a bet of a million bucks. But of course if there was really a bet in place, I'm pretty sure the speeds would have been skewed to such that the erection of the new gantries resulted in loss of speed as the million bucks which is guaranteed to be lost would be much more than the revenue collected.

Couldn't LTA do a more meaningful research, such as surveying the outlying areas & study how traffic & lifestyles overall were affected and produce to us information that is more useful. Afterall we don't pay taxes for nothing. But then again, on 2nd thought, would I really want to read a report which will most likely be full of cover ups or excuses. Nah, forget it, save the efforts, don't waste our taxpayers' money.

Bewildered AND disillusioned.

On a lighter side, received this picture via email yesterday, for sharing, just for laughs.

I now weigh..

Yes.. that's my weight now at 31 1/2 weeks. Dr Fong's gonna nag at me at my next visit in a week's time. I have put on way too much weight.

It's quite confusing really. Some people told me that my weight gain so far has been fine, as they themselves have put on much more, but yet, from a doctor's point of view, it exceeds the 2kg per month standard. In fact, I was only allowed 1.5kg extra for this month so of course, it's obvious I've been disobedient. Somehow the cakes, ice cream & donuts just couldn't stay away from my hands & mouth! Or should it be the other way round... :{

On one hand, I felt a little sad when my weight crossed the 60 mark, but on the other hand, I didn't feel that guilty gorging myself with those sinful, high fat desserts. Maybe I have been blindly comforting myself by thinking that these foods are good, as they are calcium rich & anyway I'm pregnant and nutritionists always say, NEVER diet when you're pregnant! I'll probably regret all these silly thoughts after JD is out & realise I'm not able to revert to my pre-pregnancy size. Will that happen? I just read an article yesterday about how difficult it is to rid oneself of the storage fats that one accumulates when pregnant. Which is why, women just put on more weight with each pregnancy. Yet, these storage fats are essential to provide the necessary nutrients for a healthy foetus.

I'm just thinking.. the sacrifices that we women make...

Why the change in traffic lights timing?

Has any one who has been driving down from Upper Thomson, past Marymount Road towards Novena before 30 June 2008 in the morning felt that the timing of traffic lights has been changed at the junction of Marymount Road & Thomson Road?

I feel that it has and if that is true, I wouldn't be surprised if it's probably another attempt to try to create congestion for a legitimate excuse to either set up a new gantry or to up the 7.30am ERP rates at Thomson. Another probability is to force people to hit the other 8am ERPs down the road. To avoid this, people can only leave the house earlier. And when this happens, ERP will start even earlier. A vicious cycle, like what the papers always say. Prior to this change, traffic was smooth, no jam whatsoever. I've always been a fair person. If traffic is really heavy and action needs to be taken, so be it. But it's a different story if someone tries to create havoc when there's none. That is despicable.

Anyone with common sense will know that by deliberately shortening the time of the green light at at the junction in front of 7th day Adventist Community Ch will only serve to create a tailback all the way to Thomson Road. The cars coming from Marymount & Upper Thomson will all cross their respective traffic light junction and converge into a short road and are restricted from moving forward because of another traffic light. This may sound confusing. You probably need to be there to know what I'm referring to.

In short, the "brains" ain't that brainy afterall. You know who you are. You are a shame. Try harder, you may fool your subordinates but you can't fool me. The next sheduled change for the ERP rates are on 8 November. Let's see..

BB items that arrived yesterday

Britax car seat - a gift from June, Mo, Ailin, Pam & Mich!

The Capella Pram
The playpen cum sleeping bed for the living room

Wish you happiness

A very close friend of mine just told me she got attached. That's wonderful news & I'm truly elated for her. We both have come a long way, especially in the area of relationships. She's been through good ones & bad ones & since the last blow about 7 years back, she has more or less given up on men. Somehow when we try to hitch her up with one, she always dismisses the opportunities to incompatibility of characters or lack of time to date due to work commitments.

Nevertheless, she has been one great friend. She has always been encouraging about the relationships that her friends have. She was excited about my wedding and about my pregnancy. She has given me (and the other girls) all her support for all these happy occasions, despite not having a partner herself. She just wasn't keen on getting hitched any more and has resigned herself to establishing her career instead.

After so many years, we were all pleasantly surprised that she has finally decided to give herself ( & her partner) a chance. It was wonderful listening to how she gushed about him, how she had never expected to be able to meet someone so similar to her and whom she can share common conversational topics with.

Well.. Babe, from the bottom of my heart, I am very happy for you & I hope that you have finally found the one whom you will be able to spend the rest of your life with.

As I've always believed, be happy for others and happiness will bestow itself upon you. You go girl!

Cramps

I hate leg cramps. They make me feel totally helpless :(

Last night was bad. It hit me once at 11.30pm and the second time at 5am. This is the 1st time that it happened twice in the same night and I'm really grateful to DW for being there, at such ungodly hours, to bend back my toes and massage my right calf. I broke out in cold sweat & was shivering & just wished someone could knock me out there & then. There was nothing I could do to help myself, except to ask Jesus, Mary & Joseph to stop the pain. At that point, I was reminded of my childhood days when I would pray for help and try to strike a bargain with God, like.. pls take away my pain & I promise I will never be naughty again..

Since the start of the 2nd trimester, leg cramps have been an often occurence in the night. Recently, the fear has been interrupting my sleep to the point that I've grown afraid to sleep. After the 5am awakening this morning, I chose to sit up on the bed instead of lying down. I remember reading somewhere before that as delivery date draws nearer, sleeping at night may be alot easier by simply sitting up. How do I get a good rest in this manner? It's almost like sleeping in the aeroplane where somehow sleeping ain't sleeping at all.

I dread to think of the many days when DW will be away in July & August & where I'll be left alone to save myself.... September, pls come soon...

Me @ 28 weeks

I did my diabetes test last Saturday @ 28 weeks. It was really tiring. I had to fast from 12am the night before, took my 1st urine & blood test at 9am, drank the really sweet drink (which I thought & hoped would be similar to fanta orange but it was some lemon barley tasting thingy instead) and went for my 2nd urine & blood test at 10.30am. My last test was at 11.30am and by then I was super famished. The moment I could leave my gynae's clinic, I went to Soup spoon & gobbled down the whole bowl of mushroom soup.. delicious! I just received a call from my gynae by the way, and I do not have gestational diabetes! YAY!

This comes as a huge relief for me, praise the LORD! I was really worried as my baby was 200g overweight as of last Saturday and I myself had put on more than 2 kg. Apart from that, I was constantly thirsty. All these signs seem to point to the possibility of gestational diabetes. I'm so glad and I promise I will cut down on my ice cream intake. I mean it! Moreover, from now till my next gynae appt at 32 wks, I've been advised to put on a max of 1.5kg only. Now, that's not going to be very difficult isit? All I need is determination to curb unnecessary cravings!

JD = ?

Oh yes.. got this bloomers online for JD as well!! Isn't it cute? Should have gotten a size bigger thou :P

Online Shopping

I never realised how addictive shopping online is till I actually did one myself. It's scary when everything you see is just so cute & pretty & more often than not, they're cheaper than what you can get in the shops itself. Otherwise, it's something which you can't get locally. I used to diss this idea in the past. Pam was nuts about online shopping whilst I couldn't get the hang of it. To me, it was like, why shop online when I can go the shops to see & feel for myself before parting with my money. Well, I still don't purchase my clothes online. I'm not exactly the slimest of people so sizing may be questionable. But that certainly doesn't apply to baby items & adult items that do not require any fitting.

It came to a point when I just had to tell myself, STOP, the bank account is depleting at an amazing speed. So I stopped. But the abstinence lasts for at most a couple of days before I hit the websites again. This time round, I'm smarter. Just a little. I will write down all my intended purchases in my trusty little notebook with the prices. Over the next few days, I will constantly review the list, striking off what I do not need. This helps, as being the fickle person I am, eventually the desire to buy a particular item will wane as each day passes.

My 1st online purchase was thru e-bay. I was searching high & low for nice wall decals for JD's room but the ones I've come across just didn't hit the right note with me. After searching online, I finally managed to find this set which was only sold in Australia. Well, made that all important call to Pam to help buy it as I didn't have a paypal account. And

that's how it all began..

Baby's stroller & playpen

We finally settled on JD's stroller.. we ordered the orange Cappella Compact Sense stroller. This is lightweight and slightly cheaper than Combi, which was what we originally wanted to buy. My most important requirement is that the stroller had to be lightweight. I didn't require those fancy features like reversible handles or those huge 4WD look alike ones.

A tinge of regret also hit me when I found out that the playpen we had aimed about a month back is more expensive now. So we changed our mind and got a slightly different one. Not that cheap as we upgraded the mattress to the latex one, but overall I guess it's better for a peace of mind. I don't have a picture of the Dreamy Baby playpen though. It may be an expensive toy but I guess we would need it for easy shuffling between DW's place & mine. It can be easily packed up to bring around. Han also brings it along when they travel. At least JD will not be confined to only the cot in the bedroom which could get really hot & stuffy at times.

Well, that's 2 items down! But the list doesn't seem to end, there're the diapers, the high chair, the teats etc.... baby oh baby!

$1.40 for TEH *blur*

I paid $1.40 for this TEH from Toast Box. It's not even TEH C. I was shocked! I didn't expect inflation to be this much. True enough, my colleagues told me I could have gotten a decent cup of tea for much less at kopitiam or even other branded shops like Mr Tea or Coffee & Toast. Average now would be 90c - $1.20. I should have realised something was fishy when there was no queue at Toast Box. It used to have a snaking queue that just never seemed to end. Well now I know... btw, Teh & Teh C cost the same at Toast Box - $1.40. Now you know...

I got Tagged!

Wa rau, this was the answer in Fong's last question:

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? Fat - Win liao lor, such a heavy responsibility on me. Ok ok, I'm doing this, so she wun look bad... :P

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:Made Of Honour - Loved Patrick Dempsey since the days of Money Can't Buy Love!

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Your Baby & Child by Penelope Leach

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Bingo - No one plays with me now, so I play it online on FB with strangers.

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Mother & Baby. This changes with the phase I'm going through. Previously it was Women's Weekly. Previous previously it was Her World Brides.

5. FAVORITE SMELLS? Dw's sweat after his run.. *up to you to believe this*

6. FAVORITE SOUND? My own laughter.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? leg cramps :(

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE? Is it Saturday??

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? This is a tough one. I love most cos I'm a sucker for KFC's original recipe, Mac's fries, MOS's burger, LJS's fish... the list goes on......

10. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? JD - further details TBA

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. “IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D…? Seriously, I think I would put the $$ in the fixed D & use the interest to travel as much as I can.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST? Nah, I value my life too much & I wouldn't want to waste it away either by knocking someone down accidentally & getting thrown into jail..

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? giant Winnie the pooh & baby Mashimoro

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY? Scary, I don't like thunder & lightnings.

BTW, Q15 was missing fr the original post.... FONG! tsk tsk...

16. FAVORITE DRINK? Milk!!

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, “IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD ….. no idea, I've short attention span, so maybe I'll squeeze as much as I can within that time frame.

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? Sure, I love broccoli, esp those cooked with butter!

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?

Done it before, red or brown. Now I just prefer it to be black cos I know it wouldn't be any much longer before it will slowly turn....................... WHITE! ARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN. Had, am & will always be in Singapore.

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Not a sports fan but if I'm gambling on it, I'll watch it and so far it's only been soccer…

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. Her witty scarcasms give me the kicks *ROLL MY EYES*

23. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Nothing. DW told me to get a bed without legs so we don't have to sweep the floor beneath it

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN? Frankly I do wish I wasn't born in the 1st place as I'm afraid of dying. So, I dunno how to answer this question.

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL? Now is definitely morning. I dread to think of what I'll become after JD is born.

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP? HUH????? If eggs then just make sure the yolk doesn't ooze out.

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? My bed

28. FAVORITE PIE? Chicken pie

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? CHOCOLATE CHIP!

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? I shan't put pressure on anyone... but if you're reading this & if you have a blog, you are considered tagged.

From Fong to Ah Fat

With love... :P

"she always like that one, damn stuck up that arrogant stingy bitch.. shhh don't tell her"

Juz because Ah Fat dun wanna bring Fong to Japan........... *ROLL EYES*

LOL

Dw's BKK bounty

JD is a really lucky girl.. her papa who just came back from a business trip from Bangkok, had, for the 1st time, spent all his time & money shopping for her, instead of himself!

Little Carter's t-shirts & shorts

Bibs

Rompers

Burp / drool towels

dresses when jd grows up

Sour Grapes

I love grapes.. all colours, green, red & black. But they have got to be seedless and needless to say, sweet. I hate sour grapes, yes, pun intended. Recently some people have gotten on my nerves. People who are sore about my baby. These recent brushes are so deja vu. It was similar to what had happened when I first announced I was going to get married.

When I told the world that I was getting married, I had mixed reactions. Some were happy and excited, some were skeptical and some others, obviously sour. There weren't many in the third group, probably a handful, but at times like these, even 1 would have had an impact. A marriage is a happy occasion. Yes, i thank those who tried to pre-empt me to the ups & downs of a marriage. But I despise those who told me that it was a grave mistake, that I was on the route to disaster. Some even went to the extent of asking me to talk to a priest about my decision which to them, is a blatantly wrong one. I wonder, talk to a priest for *^@#! Is a priest even married? Does a priest know what I want? Is the priest a soothsayer? None of the above. Eventually I deduced that it was out of sheer envy & jealousy. Not surprisingly, the people belonging to the 3rd group were without partners, some hitting their 3rd decade, some just crossed over their 4th decade.

Well, it is this same group of people who are now pouring cold water on my pregnancy. They are telling me that getting pregnant is simply a waste of time, a waste of money and which will result in a complete loss of freedom. Whilst it is sad that these people cannot share my joy, it is even more disappointing that these are the people whom I thought were one of the closest to me.

To share my opinion, since 5 August 2005, the day I booked my wedding banquet till today, I have not looked back. Marriage has made me happier and more positive. I have learnt about sacrifice and tolerance and I am grateful for the presence of my life time companion. I do not lament about the loss of freedom nor the absence of the late nights partying which I used to enjoy. In fact, I treasure life even more, knowing that I am a big part of another person's life.

Pregnancy has brought even a deeper meaning and different perspective to my life. I'm not afraid of the hassle of a wailing kid in tow, much less of the coming sleepless nights which I have to endure. No doubt, these may not exactly be the most wonderful of things but I know for sure that the joy of having a child will make me a stronger person. I beam at mothers who share with me stories of how their children brighten up their lives, albeit the silly & annoying habits which they have to put up with. I cannot say now for certain, how I will be when I finally get out of my mother-to-be status and become a full fledged mom, but I definitely look forward to every gynae visit because I can see JD and each time I feel JD's kick and see my tummy nudge, I get overwhelmed by emotions. Like what Lenggu sms-ed me on Mother's Day which just passed, "this is a miracle.." For the record, she's due around the same time as me!

I do not expect everyone to be as elated as me or dw or my parents about the good things that happen in my life. Afterall it is my life. But the negative and disparaging comments that are put to my ears are rather much uncalled for and I totally condemn them. I have 2 choices now, to either write them off my life completely or to put on a pretentious front and allow them to continuously jar my ears or even my eyes with their presence. For now, I just hope that they will be able to realise that happiness can possibly happen to them only if they are happy for others. To me, it's a cycle. If you continue to be sore that happy things do not happen you and think you can blame others for your sad life and put them down just to make yourself feel better, you will never open up the door to the wonderful opportunities lying right smack in front of your face. You are wasting your time wallowing in self pity, and sad to say I do not sympathise with you.

Having said all these, I do appreciate my friends out there, who are either not attached yet, not married yet, or not close to starting a family, whether by choice or not, who have been supportive of all my actions. Friends like Fong, Dy, Mo etc who have helped me to keep my sanity amongst the rest of the unwarranted "attention".

JD's 1st toys

We did a bit of toy shopping over the weekend and bought a handful of items for JD's entertainment.

Link Rings
Chosen by Dw, though I'm still not too sure what purpose do they serve yet.. :P

JD's 1st story book!

Also chosen by Dw, cute little giraffe ain't it? Comes with ling long sound too!

Chill teether to ease JD's achy teething gums

Floor mat so she can crawl & roll all over & learn some ABCs at the same time

My Baby Registry - Update 1

1) Car Seat
Dw has just mentioned that the new Combi Coccoro car seats are alot prettier than the Britax ones. Well, he does have a point there. The colour range itself is already so refreshing! I just love the Apricot one. So summer like and I think it will make JD alot more cheerful!

For easier shopping, we saw this at Isetan Scotts, at $339.

2) Playpen
Baby Kingdom is selling the Dreamy Baby playpen at $109, comes with normal foam mattress and bassinet. To change the mattress to the latex one, which is more cooling for the baby, there's a top up amount of about $25.

3) Stroller - how about this? Cheong Choon Store (Tel 65323855 ) selling for $450!

4) NTUC vouchers
Ah fong asked me why I need this for. Hmm... to buy pork & broccoli for JD? Haha, nah, mainly for disposable diapers and milk powder :)

My Baby Registry

Some of you kind people out there have been asking DW & me what gifts we would like. Thanks for your thoughts, we really appreciate them. We've been looking around to see what would be absolutely necessary and have since come up with these items:

1) Car Seat
Brand: Britax (or otherwise known as Safe & Sound), either one of these two models:

Platinum

Meridien

Royale

2) Play pen
No preferences on brands. But it cannot be too light yet has to be easily foldable for packing into the car boot and comes with at least the mattress & bassinet. Colour: Blue or multi colours!

3) Stroller
Preferred brand: Combi
Model: No preferences, as long as can be used from new born (or least 1 month old) till 3 or 4 years old. Lightweight & 1 hand foldable. Colour: Orange / Yellow

4) NTUC vouchers

Boycott Killiney Kopitiam - Golden Shoe Branch

All along, I had thought the staple business of Killiney Kopitiam was the sale of bread, coffee & eggs. But surprise surprise, when I went to the above branch to buy the usual toast, the response was: we don't serve bread during lunch. You come back after 2pm. HUH?? Not only that, I even offered to order now (1.55pm) and pick it up at 2pm. But the answer was still no. My only guess that this could have happened is because the sales proceeds from bread just doesn't justify the rental in the heart of CBD. Still that's no excuse. Just imagine, what if Teck Kee Pau decides not to sell Pau during lunch, Old Chang Kee decides not to sell fishballs & curry puffs during lunch and Macdonald's decides not to sell burgers during lunch, all just so for the dollars & sense..

Hey, what happened to the good old fashioned Killiney kopitiam that we all know? The old coffeeshop at Killiney Road itself has just damaged its own reputation by not having good quality control for their franchising business. If Killiney Kopitiam doesn't serve bread, then why is it even in operation?! Of course, we all know that they have since expanded their product range to include mee siam, laksa, sweet & sour fish and so on and so forth. But frankly, their food sucks. Their hor fun is too starchy, their fish too stinky. I rather go to my HDB kopitiam for their zi char. Cheap & good.

Well, to the original owners of Killiney Kopitiam or the inheritants, wake up! I suggest you relook at the workings of your franchise business and buck up your service! Thumbs DOWN, shame on you!

Our 1st drive to work

We left the house at 6.45am this morning, just so we could escape the 7am ERP at CTE AMK ave 1. But alas, despite that, we were still hit by the jam and by the time we reached that ERP, it was 7.02am. Given that today is Friday and a day after a public holiday and the traffic at that stretch was a terror, I dread to think of the situation next Monday when everyone's out in full force.

Well, at least we did not have to pay ERP for the rest of the journey which was pretty smooth. After stopping for breakfast, I actually reached work at 7.45am - the time which I usually reach YCK MRT.

Overall, I will deem driving to work early in the morning a stressful one. Not only you have to deal with the ERP calculation, you also have to deal with the start-stop traffic along the way. But I suppose this still beats being squashed in the MRT where I always instintively place my hand on my tummy to protect it from being hit. Anyhow, the stress of driving is now on Dw, since all I have to do is enjoy being driven. Poor boy, but hey, thanks! I truly appreciate it! :)

Robinson's sale - the sale worth waiting for!

Sleepsuit

Vaccination Suit

Another irresistable Elle suit

A little shirt to keep her warm

To keep JD's hands & feet warm