Accomodation in Bali

*moninet taps fingers*

where should we stay, where should we stay?

I'm been mulling on this, toggling amongst the numerous choices that were thrown to us. The different areas are confusing enough to baffle me. Some say Ubud, but I say no. I'm no artisan and I'm not about to stay in the middle of a padi field. Some say Nusa Dua to enjoy private pristine beach time and Aaron swears by the pool and rooms at Conrad but I need my shops, Dw needs his fast food fixes. And don't people say, going to Bali means living the Bali experience, ie, staying in a villa with a private pool, our own personal butler and having someone cook your breakfast?

Damai Villa at Lovina was tempting. I have never seen dolphins swimming in the oceans, but this wasn't enough to overpower my fear of isolation. I convinced myself I would stay there when JD was big enough to appreciate the dolphins and go "wow" at each jump.

Seminyak seemed good enough and I was kinda set on Bvilla but their policy was weird. They wanted me to sign a release statement with my credit card details, they wanted a copy of the front & back of my credit card and they wanted a copy of my passport. All these didn't make me feel too secure. Too many stories of credit card scams going round. And I didn't want to be a difficult customer by asking for exceptional waiver of their requirements so reluctantly, I gave it a miss. On a side note, the staff managing the emails was really efficient and patient, giving quick replies to my queries.

Which, may be a blessing in disguise afterall! We finally decided on villa de daun, highly recommended by I-Lin. It's in Kuta, but yet off the happening stretch so we sort of get the best of both worlds. Convenience with serenity. Not very cheap but at least I'm getting peace of mind, which is what vacations are all about!

Merry Christmas

So I shall feast, drink and be merry this week and indulge in the many gifts that my wonderful friends have given JD & me.



M-E-R-R-Y C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S L-O-V-E-L-I-E-S!

One Painted Nail

I was at my usual nail place, preparing my nails for the party tonight. JD popped by just as I was about to finish drying them and because she gave the girls there such an endearing smile, they wanted to paint her nails. I wasn't too keen as I didn't want to instill vanity in her at such a young age and I also dread the chemicals which she may inhale, especially from the polish remover.

Eventually I agreed to ONE nail, JUST ONE nail. And boy, she was so excited about her little pink thumb. She literally walked around Parkway after that with her clenched fist and a little thumb sticking out, proudly showing off her freshly painted nail to people who walked past.

Megablocks

I'm an absolute nitwit at these but JD's daddy is nuts about them and I gotta admit he's darn good with them.

He can just about build anything one asks for with these little blocks and I've been impressed with what he can whip out almost immediately. So far there's been a giraffe, a robot, a snake, a tunnel, a car and many others and these were from his imagination. No references to manuals, no pictures to model against.

Tunnel


Robot

I admit I've much to gripe about his parenting skills. I mean.. when he's tasked to make JD sleep, he falls asleep before she does. Babysitting JD to him means having both veg in front of the tv. But he's afterall JD's dear daddy and he is good at what daddies are supposed to be good for, fun, games and... MORE FUN!

Just leave the TLC to me, the Mommy... :)

JD's 1st Class Photo

JD has finally brought back her class photo, her 1st class photo and I couldn't stop gushing over it. The kids (and of course especially my baby girl) are just so cute! There's something in those serious little faces that tickles me. I can just imagine the havoc that the teachers and the photographer had to handle before they managed to snap this.


I am beaming from ear to ear as I write this. I am so proud of my little girl. From a tiny baby to a pre-school toddler... how time flies and this is going to be her 3rd X'mas...

Hi

I finally spoke to her today, after a week of cold war. The instant emotion that gripped me was relief. I can't explain it, but I actually was relieved that at least we spoke. The last week was painful. No words exchanged. No updates about each other.

It was an awkward moment, probably neither of us expected each other's presence. For that split second, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know if I should say 'Hi", I didn't know if I should smile. I think she didn't have a clue either. Then I mustered up my courage, I gave a smile & managed a really weak "hi". It probably didn't turn out the way it should have but it did fulfil its intent, ie, it broke the ice.

We started chatting. I felt a tinge of sadness that 2 people who were so happy together before, now seem like total strangers. It wasn't a very long chat, probably 5 minutes. It was a conversation on her health. At that point, I felt awful. Here I was being a totally selfish prick, thinking that she was deliberately giving me the cold shoulder and there she was, nursing herself back to pink glow. And before I knew it, conversation was over, we split and we went on our separate ways.

Now I'm engulfed in confusion. I do not know if I should now make the 1st move & beep her. I've deleted her contact no. in anger, I've removed her from my instant messenger in fury. No doubt though, the details are still very vivid in my mind. But the point is, I cannot be there for her on THAT day, that's what my head is saying, so why even bother making the next step. But I want to. I worry for her, I want back the pretty, lively girl who has a special place in my life. My heart tells me I should care, my head tells me I shouldn't.

Maybe it's God's will that we are now the way we are. We were never meant to be that close and we are back to where we belong. 2 strangers, each in their own world.

A new adventure at the beach

JD loves going to the beach. She gets really excited when I tell her, "pack up! we're going to the beach!". She'll take her pail, spade, watering can & moulds and rush to put on her shoes.

However, JD simply abhors the sand. She thinks it's dirty. She wouldn't walk barefoot on the sand, she wouldn't sit on the sand. She wouldn't touch the sand. The only thing she would do is to just scoop up the sand with the spade and throw it into the mould.

Yesterday, we saw a difference. I had initially taken off her shoes & dragged her across the sand, down to the sea. She was squealing in fear. But somehow, things turned slightly better and she started to play with the sand, literally using her fingers to dig at the sand. Needless to say, I was like.. ee yucks cos I'm not a fan of sand either. (though I knew I had to put aside this dislike so that JD would have a chance to explore the sand to decide for herself if she was going to follow her mommy's footsteps)

And the day ended with her feet being buried in the sand. A remarkable improvement!:)

It's a tough time

I've no idea what's going on but JD's been a handful to handle recently. Not like she has always been the perfect angel but nowadays, she is displaying the most outrageous part of her which none of has ever seen.

Firstly, she hasn't been very nice to our new helper, Chona. She doesn't allow Chona to feed her or put her to bed. She's not welcoming to Chona bathing nor changing her either but she has learnt to accept this as a no choice situation as Ah Ma has hurt her back & unable to do either of it AND it comes with a condition, Ah Ma has to stand at the door.

She has also been throwing ALOT of tantrums. And I really mean alot. She will not take "NO" for an answer. And it has become so uncontrollable that we have resorted to locking her up in her room in a bid to "teach her a lesson". My heart aches when I do that but I'm really at my wits end.

I do not know if it is a stage of the terrible twos but I do not seem to see this behaviour in other children around the same age. I pray hard that we will be able to see the end of this soon.

She's the Centre of My World

Thank you to YOU

I dedicate this song to Dw for making the bold decision to hold my hand and walk down the aisle exactly 4 years ago.. This was played during our 2nd walk in for the dinner.

Thank you for the 4 wonderful years of marriage and thank you for giving me a chance to be part of this very happy family. I vow to be the best wife I ever could be to you and the best mom I ever could be to JD. Muacks!

Happy anniversary, & many more to come..

天分不出边界
却又连接
白天每个黑夜
那是我对你分不开的心
苍老了
都不冷却
地满载了一切
这些那些
悲与喜的季节
那是我为你累积的真
再没有欠缺
再没有告别
天长地久
握你的手紧紧放在我胸口
红尘女子的温柔天地男儿的港口
天长地久没有尽头你是我全部所有
天地交错得相遇
用我一生和你相守

Shots

An old friend shared a link with me this morning. Not exactly with me, it's more to introduce a photographer to another friend who's getting married and searching for pre-wedding photography.

The funny thing is when I saw these photos, I felt a lump in my throat. The photos were beautifully taken. The angles, the lightings truly brought out the grandeur of the venue and the beauty of the couple but yet somehow I do not feel the sincere love between them. I used to gush over pre-wedding shots of my friends and will always envy how beautiful / handsome they look as brides / grooms to be. Now that I think back, yeah, that's just about all there is to these photos. A chance to capture you at your best, with an elaborate gown and a nicely tailored suit and full make up. I mean, no matter how ugly you are, how bad can you look with so much help? If you still don't look your best then I think you're just hopeless.

Anyway these poses are choreographed and best of all, how much love can there be when these people have yet to go through the daily ritual of sleeping & waking up together each & every day, of seeing each other day in & day out and witnessing how sms changes from " Hi darling, I miss you so much, wish you were by my side" to "Tonight home late". The kids have yet to come into the picture where the ugliest scenes will then take place. Hell is raised to earth. These photos to me, mimic the exact kind of life that most of us are leading, pretentious.

Maybe the heart is too cold now, maybe the mind is too cynical. I think such photography should be kept till the couple has truly weathered the storms of marriage. The same link had an album where the photographer captured shots of his parents. Yes, with wrinkled skin & all. But the amazing thing is this album depicted the warmth & love that was between the 2 people. And yes, they were just as beautiful , if not more than those sweet young things.

Enjoying JD's new bed

Temasek Review

The passing of Mrs LKY has renewed my interest in the Temasek Review.. It is to my disgust when I read some of the comments. It's disheartening to know I have fellow Singaporeans who can rant so proudly their snide remarks on this sad occasion. But then again I suppose it's only with presence of such shallow people that allows the mediocre to shine.. Such a sad fact..

Just say Yes or No

I cannot understand why some people are procrastinators. Each time you ask them if they can make it to an event, they will give you replies like: see how, I don't know, I can't promise you.

And this simply irks me.

It's not as though it's a last minute event where I can perfectly understand if one can't make it. I encountered this when I was trying to plan my wedding and JD's 1st birthday. Some people just couldn't or wouldn't confirm. Maybe they just didn't want to turn up. If so, I would have appreciated a straight "No". Regardless of reason, it's not something I can accept considering that I'm a very decisive person. Dealing with wishy washy people is simply a waste of my time. These people just gotta realise that making a decision doesn't involve only themselves. It affects MY schedules as well. Plain selfish? Plain inconsiderate? Or .. maybe I don't mean anything to these people. The truth hurts as always but if so, rather than drag an insincere relationship, why not just end it.

If I mean something to you, you would make time for me. If you can't even commit to something that you have been given ample time to plan for, then I rather just cut you off from my life.

爱很简单

诺爱真的是那么简单，世界就会变得更完美，我们的遗憾与烦恼也许不会那么多..

忘了是怎麼開始　也許就是對你　有一種感覺
忽然間發現自己　已深深愛上你　真的很簡單

愛的地暗天黑都已無所謂　是是非非無法抉擇..
沒有後悔為愛日夜去跟隨　那個瘋狂的人是我..

这首歌在我心理永远是那么有意义..

A helper finally...

After 2 years of battling with my conscience and my happiness, I've finally decided that I'm going to get a helper.

Yesterday was commendable as I finally went to an agency, shortlisted a couple and actually paid the deposit. Yes, I put some money down and that would probably indicate how serious I am this time round.

Previously I merely called around a few agencies, trying my luck that I will be able to chance upon the "perfect" helper, knowing jolly well that that will never happen. Somehow I couldn't muster enough courage to really convince myself to invite a stranger into my house.

I don't know what spurred me on yesterday. Maybe it's the accumulating tension at home, maybe it's the beast in me screaming for freedom, maybe I'm just not fit to be a mom.

But whatever it is, I'm just glad that help's on the way...

Saturday morning

It's one of those weekend mornings when I wake up, feeling totally grouchy and the only thing that can possibly save the day is a hot Starbucks latte. So here i am, 9am at Parkway's Starbucks with my latte, watching people pass me by through the clear glass window. I love such mornings..

4喜

JD turned two and this year there was no elaborate celebration like the one we had last year.

Instead, it was split into 4 simple parties, with the main activity being the blowing of candles & cutting of cake. She's been getting the kick out of these 2 and whenever the word birthday is mentioned, she will immediately act out blowing candles & saying "eat cake".

The 1st one was with dw's relatives, 2nd was the one with her tiny tot friends from school, 3rd was with mommy's colleagues at work and last with just mommy, daddy, ah kong & ah ma right at home.

Happy Birthday darling... U'll always be mommy's baby..

Lost in Bella

I've tried to resist starting on the Twilight series as long as I could. I knew that if I started, I would be transported into a fantasy world. I know myself best and true enough, now I wish that I was a character in the book, if only I was Bella Swan, torn between a vampire and a werewolf. I mean, how cool can that be!

Every waking moment is spent burrowing myself into the books and I'm half wishing that these are magical books, books that will never end with stories that just go on & on.

A bookworm since as young as I can possibly remember, I would snap up every book in any series that I could lay my hands on. I recall anticipating eagerly for the new book in the Nancy Drew series. I would read & re-read Enid Blyton's stories. I will always remember Elizabeth the naughtiest girl in school, the Wishing Chair, Mr Moonface etc. I can't help but smile to myself, when these characters come flashing back. As I grew older, I started on those teenage love stories from Sweet Valley High and I can still recall how I would drool over Bruce Patman, notwithstanding that he is all but a created, painted face. On hindsight, Bruce does resemble Jacob the werewolf and they both have the dark deep set eyes that C Ronaldo has. (My taste in men has been pretty constant ya)

I'm now hemming & hawing on each page of Eclipse as I know that once this ends, I have to move on to Breaking Dawn and that spells the end of my Bella Swan fantasy. Once again, I dread to get back to reality.

My little Napoleon

JD's new found interest is putting the bucket over her head. Half the time I hear my dad grumbling at her "don't put it on your head, wait cannot come out then your head stuck inside". That sure sounds damn corny.

March on! Left right left right.


Stand still!


Did I do a good job?

Simon says

This happened when mommy was away & daddy was left alone to bond with daughter..

Stick out your tongue


Show your teeth


Point to your nose


Dig for gold


Finger on your cheek


Pull your ear

The energy from chaos

I was just watching a short clip on the walls of Singapore whilst waiting for the English NDP rally by PM Lee.

William Lim, principal architect of Golden Mile Complex defended his unique design which is in serious dilapidating condition, to which he retorted: if there's no chaos, there's no energy.

It struck me immediately as this can be applied to so many aspects of our lives.

Close to our hearts, I ask is the lack of chaos the very root of our disintegrated society? Previously when money was scarce, when we wouldn't know if there would be food on our table for the night, our relationships were strong. We loved our parents, we loved our friends, we loved our partners. Essentially, we treasured them. We had the energy to continue to love strongly as we were all interdependent on one another.

However as we progress, we are alot harder in our wills and we hold no qualms in ridding useless people out of our lives. We can just walk out of relationships without batting a single eyelid because we think that we can afterall survive by ourselves. Which I do not doubt that we can but if one day the whole world to collapse can we survive alone or we will sing Aellulia?

I'm guilty of this but ironically I'm not ashamed of it. Perhaps i'm just looking for justifications, but if I do not seek chaos, how can I possibly build up the energy that is so lacking & without this energy how can I improve and be appreciative of who and what is around me?

Just like the good old days..

Lian Mei

DW often says he misses the ah lian whom he fell in love with.. Wah rau eh, I mother liao leh.. how to still have blonde hair & wear mini skirt :P

Following the footsteps of her mommy???

YOG or punctuality

It's 8.40am & I'm bloody stuck on the ECP trying to get to MBS. It's not for fun, it's to earn my peanuts for my meals. If I had my way, i wouldn't even be here. I would be snoozing in bed which is the only decent thing to do on such a gloomy day.

But no, 2 lanes on the ECP are shut, 99% of the roads to MBS are closed and it just irks more that the YOG buses behind are flashing their lights and the infamous phase which has recently been haunting our cars' rearview mirrors: YAW EVIG is screaming through my already scattered brains.

Wake up, this is Singapore. Did the PAP really think that noone works on Saturdays? Did they really think that our bosses are gonna believe us when we say we were late cos we gave way to the YOG buses? DUH. Wake up.

Searching for my roots

Little known to many, I'm a Hokkien Peranakan.. or so I think I am. My birth cert states my race as Chinese, dialect.. oh well, it's English. So it reads Chinese-English. I haven't the slightest clue how this came about. I can only suspect that they probably asked my dad what dialect he speaks and since he can't speak a word of any of the Chinese dialects, he probably said Malay and they axed that option out as there's no way he could be a Malay and the next answer he gave was probably English, so English it was.

I had the option of stating my correct dialect on JD's birth cert. But I figured I'll just stick to what is on my birth cert. It's uniquely mine and I want it to remain that way. Just like how I'm sure Gab would never change back his surname from Tin to Tan.


I've been meaning to visit the Peranakan museum for the longest time and when I read in the papers that entry was free last Sunday, I headed straight for it right after church. It was an interesting visit and it sure bought back memories of my childhood days when my grandparents were still around and certain traditions were still followed then.



One of the most elaborate set up that I distinctly remember is the Tok Panjang. Every year, on the eve of Chinese New Year, we'll all gather at the long rectangle table at home with dishes like bak wan kepeiting, pongteh, buah keluak amongst the many. It usually was an elaborate feast and everyone was merry.

There was a hall dedicated to religion and I was pleasantly surprised that the video they showed was Fr Alfred Chan & Fr Iggy during the annual Peranakan CNY eve mass at Holy Family. And it was here that I realised my dad was not kidding when he used to tell me that the family converted from Buddhism to Catholicism because of simplicity. Well, perhaps not exactly but I read that as time passed, society modernised, many gave up the complicated rituals. This abandonment may not necessarily be a bad thing. Afterall when I saw how elaborate the wedding ceremony was and that the entire event was a 12 day one, I was relieved that I was born in the modern times. I didn't even have the usual gate crashing session that grooms & their "brothers" had to put up with. I didn't even have the Guo Da Li. I just don't like things that take up too much time, too much effort, too much money. I like things straight to the point, clean & sleek.


The only regret I'll ever have is that I did not don a Kebaya during my wedding. It just didn't occur to me then and for this, I did wish that Little Nonya was shown 3 years earlier so I could have been a little prouder of my heritage. My only hope (& I do hope that I can remember when the time comes) is my baby girl to put on one for hers, to fulfill her mommy's wish.

My Morning with JD

I took the morning off today, just so I needn't rush to work and I could spend some time with JD who doesn't have school post National Day.

It was a lovely morning. The sky was overcast and that meant no sun! YAY! Perfect time to hit the beach as there would be significantly less people and minus the scorching rays, I knew that it would be almost perfect. I never felt more relaxed than this morning, just standing by the sea, watching JD play with sand and enjoying the cool breeze. Soon after, it started to drizzle and we headed to Mac's for breakfast. Everything done at my own time, own target. If only every morning was like that...

Flowers brighten up the day!

Thank you daughter & G.. life's alot more cheerful! *big smiles*

Plans for Jd's 2nd birthday

By some "miraculous" work of God, I no longer have the headache of how to celebrate Jd's 2nd birthday. Suddenly, in a matter of 10 mins, everything got settled.

So no more the need to source for fancy themed party deco, balloons or cake toppers. Just a simple caterer for a small group of the closest knitted people and a cake for the actual day celebration in school.

As long as I get it right, as long as everyone else is happy..

It hurts

I felt a pain in my heart today. I've not felt it for a very long time. But I know it when it strikes. I made a decision to have it over once & for all.

It hurts. Bad.

Jd's in school!

OMG... My baby girl's in school finally! It was a fantastic 1st day as not only did she not cry, she even bade farewell to me happily! A huge relief that I needn't go through the usual separation anxiety process and I pray to God for equally good days ahead. :)

30 mins away

We popped over to Batam over the weekend, for a short break & also to visit Uncle William & Aunty Cecilia.

It was not the usual weekend getaway retreat as we really did alot more than just R&R. They brought us to the best places for meals, shopping centres where we dug out plenty of good bargains, the most "shiok" massage centre ever and we even went to visit kampongs & kelongs. We finally got a chance to see the kind of lifestyles that our parents used to live and realised that simplicity certainly has its virtues and its distress. We saw little children, some as young as JD, weaving in between traffic, selling newspapers on the streets. Life seems so cheap there.


This trip was probably the most unprepared trip we had ever taken with JD. We only started packing the night before, brought as little clothes & diapers as we could since we did not want to check in our luggage. We did not pack cereals or food stuff. JD took a share from every meal I had and we even resorted to buying UHT milk at the supermarkets to lessen our load in our diaper bag.

And we survived!

So yes, check out Batam and you'll realise it's more than just beaches & resorts.. venture out and see for yourself, a beautiful island set in an almost idyllic setting but yet outlined with a tinge of sadness & poverty.