Hi

I finally spoke to her today, after a week of cold war. The instant emotion that gripped me was relief. I can't explain it, but I actually was relieved that at least we spoke. The last week was painful. No words exchanged. No updates about each other.

It was an awkward moment, probably neither of us expected each other's presence. For that split second, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know if I should say 'Hi", I didn't know if I should smile. I think she didn't have a clue either. Then I mustered up my courage, I gave a smile & managed a really weak "hi". It probably didn't turn out the way it should have but it did fulfil its intent, ie, it broke the ice.

We started chatting. I felt a tinge of sadness that 2 people who were so happy together before, now seem like total strangers. It wasn't a very long chat, probably 5 minutes. It was a conversation on her health. At that point, I felt awful. Here I was being a totally selfish prick, thinking that she was deliberately giving me the cold shoulder and there she was, nursing herself back to pink glow. And before I knew it, conversation was over, we split and we went on our separate ways.

Now I'm engulfed in confusion. I do not know if I should now make the 1st move & beep her. I've deleted her contact no. in anger, I've removed her from my instant messenger in fury. No doubt though, the details are still very vivid in my mind. But the point is, I cannot be there for her on THAT day, that's what my head is saying, so why even bother making the next step. But I want to. I worry for her, I want back the pretty, lively girl who has a special place in my life. My heart tells me I should care, my head tells me I shouldn't.

Maybe it's God's will that we are now the way we are. We were never meant to be that close and we are back to where we belong. 2 strangers, each in their own world.

A new adventure at the beach

JD loves going to the beach. She gets really excited when I tell her, "pack up! we're going to the beach!". She'll take her pail, spade, watering can & moulds and rush to put on her shoes.

However, JD simply abhors the sand. She thinks it's dirty. She wouldn't walk barefoot on the sand, she wouldn't sit on the sand. She wouldn't touch the sand. The only thing she would do is to just scoop up the sand with the spade and throw it into the mould.

Yesterday, we saw a difference. I had initially taken off her shoes & dragged her across the sand, down to the sea. She was squealing in fear. But somehow, things turned slightly better and she started to play with the sand, literally using her fingers to dig at the sand. Needless to say, I was like.. ee yucks cos I'm not a fan of sand either. (though I knew I had to put aside this dislike so that JD would have a chance to explore the sand to decide for herself if she was going to follow her mommy's footsteps)

And the day ended with her feet being buried in the sand. A remarkable improvement!:)

It's a tough time

I've no idea what's going on but JD's been a handful to handle recently. Not like she has always been the perfect angel but nowadays, she is displaying the most outrageous part of her which none of has ever seen.

Firstly, she hasn't been very nice to our new helper, Chona. She doesn't allow Chona to feed her or put her to bed. She's not welcoming to Chona bathing nor changing her either but she has learnt to accept this as a no choice situation as Ah Ma has hurt her back & unable to do either of it AND it comes with a condition, Ah Ma has to stand at the door.

She has also been throwing ALOT of tantrums. And I really mean alot. She will not take "NO" for an answer. And it has become so uncontrollable that we have resorted to locking her up in her room in a bid to "teach her a lesson". My heart aches when I do that but I'm really at my wits end.

I do not know if it is a stage of the terrible twos but I do not seem to see this behaviour in other children around the same age. I pray hard that we will be able to see the end of this soon.