Hi

I finally spoke to her today, after a week of cold war. The instant emotion that gripped me was relief. I can't explain it, but I actually was relieved that at least we spoke. The last week was painful. No words exchanged. No updates about each other.

It was an awkward moment, probably neither of us expected each other's presence. For that split second, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know if I should say 'Hi", I didn't know if I should smile. I think she didn't have a clue either. Then I mustered up my courage, I gave a smile & managed a really weak "hi". It probably didn't turn out the way it should have but it did fulfil its intent, ie, it broke the ice.

We started chatting. I felt a tinge of sadness that 2 people who were so happy together before, now seem like total strangers. It wasn't a very long chat, probably 5 minutes. It was a conversation on her health. At that point, I felt awful. Here I was being a totally selfish prick, thinking that she was deliberately giving me the cold shoulder and there she was, nursing herself back to pink glow. And before I knew it, conversation was over, we split and we went on our separate ways.

Now I'm engulfed in confusion. I do not know if I should now make the 1st move & beep her. I've deleted her contact no. in anger, I've removed her from my instant messenger in fury. No doubt though, the details are still very vivid in my mind. But the point is, I cannot be there for her on THAT day, that's what my head is saying, so why even bother making the next step. But I want to. I worry for her, I want back the pretty, lively girl who has a special place in my life. My heart tells me I should care, my head tells me I shouldn't.

Maybe it's God's will that we are now the way we are. We were never meant to be that close and we are back to where we belong. 2 strangers, each in their own world.