Our lives are on express reverse mode, back to how Jilliane was in her 1st 3 months. For the past week or so, she will fall asleep between 9.30 - 10pm but will suddenly wake up at about 10.45pm and whimper. These whimpers quickly turn into loud wails. Nothing can stop these screams, not even the pacifier, except being the arms of mommy. I will quickly carry her and rock her for a while before putting her back to bed. Throughout the night, this will happen every 2 hours or so.
This is much worse than what she was when she was a newborn. Then, she was already hardly interested in sleeping. She would be awake from 7am - 11pm. But at least when night fell, she only woke up at 2am for her milk. The rest of the times she slept
Last night was extreme. As usual she broke out at 10.45pm and refused to be put back into bed. Eventually, I just sat on the sofa with her on my chest (think Koala) whilst she slept soundly. Any attempt by DW to take over or to lie her down on her own will only serve to antagonize her more.
Tears just rolled down my face continuously. In between my sobs, I asked myself what have I gotten myself into. I just stared out of my living room window and looked at the street lamps and the roads and I wondered why other babies were such sweeties but mine a monster. So many friends' babies can nap well in the day, sleep from 9pm to 9am and the mommies seem to be as happy as the larks. Each time when I'm out, I look on with envy at babies / toddlers sleeping in their prams whilst my baby girl is wrestling in my arms, looking intently at all around her, eyes still wide open. At that point, I wanted my life back.
I feel that I'm on the brink of insanity. God, please help me. I pray for the strength to persever in loving and caring for Jilliane.
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