Why collecting my new NRIC is scary?

Today i collected my new nric.. Wat does this mean? I'm sure some of u will know.. Yellow canaries was upset when she received her notification, DH was cs well. It brought about a whole new awareness for them. For me.. I'm not scared of growing old, I'm just scared of what that means. It just means that I'm a year closer to.. death.

I know this post will probably depress most people. And I dun blame you if you dun wan to read on. Recently, I've given this much thoughts. It happens usually in the night, when somehow I can't get to sleep and am tossing and turning in bed. In the stillness of the night, when it's dark, I will start thinking about the people around me who has left this world. I will recall the times which I spent with my grandparents, Uncle Michael etc. I miss them, all of them. They loved me very much and bought me many presents as I was growing up.

There was Uncle Michael who bought Ah Kong and me our daily lunches. I was really naughty. I always insisted on having chicken rice with char siew because I was sick of white rice and Uncle Michael has never once said no to me. He was looking forward to my wedding which my dad told him late 2005. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with cancer around April 06 and went in May 06. My cousin told me that before he left, he made it clear specifically that all his Chivas and Johnny Walkers were to be brought to my wedding dinner.

I will always remember Ah Kong (daddy), who passed away when I was 14, the night before my Literature mid-year exam, always giving me $10, sometimes as often as 3 times a week. I accepted it the 1st few times. Subsequently I tried to be a heroine and told him I didn't want his money anymore. Actually when I turned him down, it was because I felt bad to keep taking his money when he could spend it on himself. But I never realised until I crossed the rebellious teenage years that he wanted to give me because he loved me and that I may have inevitably hurt him by turning it down. I'm sorry Ah Kong. I still have your garfield and his friend, the brown teddy that you bought for me. They will always be my side. Ah Kong, thank you for taking care of me from baby till Sec 1.

I don't remember much about my Ah ma (daddy), as she passed away when I was only 3. Surprisingly though, whilst I don't remember much about what I did as 3 or below, I remember very vividly her funeral. I still remember the tantrum which I threw as I was the only one who couldn't fit into the mourning clothes that all my other family members wore. I remember going to Choa Chu Kang cemetry & seeing the coffin being lowered into the ground. That was the 1st funeral I ever attended, and at 3 yrs old , that is the only one which I can remember so clearly.

I also can't remember much about my Ah Kong (mummy). He passed away when I was 8. But he was a kind man, almost like my dad. Soft-spoken, easy going and always ready to help other. His funeral was at Mt Vernon and it was there that I had my 1st and worst sprained ankle ever. And the best part was I didn't even know I had a sprained ankle until an aunty saw me limping and informed my mom. How it happened, my cousins were all able to jump across the drain and me being the youngest & having the shortest legs, obviously failed miserably.

Ah-ma (mummy) was a funny one. She was rather vain, like my mommy, always dressing up & looking pretty. My 1st time on the aeroplane at 9 yrs old to Hong Kong was with her. It was there when she bought shoes, tried them on but somehow came back with 2 lefts! How, we still do not know up till this day. She passed on when I was 15, whilst peeling tow gay in the kitchen. It came as a shock to all of us, she wasn't that old and she had been healthy. But I guess God has plans for her.

I've often wondered why am I so afraid of death. Is it because I'm weak in my faith? Different religions have different beliefs. Reincarnation, eternal life with God or even becoming dust. All these are scary and I dread to think what will become of me. I was even discussing the possibility with Kathy many years back that we may play the harp in heaven. In other words, be angels. How do we become angels? I tried getting an idea from the bible, but the language was beyond your humble servant's comprehension. A resolution I've made for myself in advance for 2008, to seek an understanding of the Book of Revelations.

My Maternal grandparents, Aunty Connie, Mommy & a really tiny Moninet
My Paternal Grandparents, Kevin, Che Che & baby moninet