Period of Pain

1st week of June has been tough. Usually this time of the year would be a time of celebration, drinking & having fun. But not this year.

I unfortunately sprained my lower back again the Sunday before my birthday. The sprains last week left me alot more immobile than the 1st one which happened. I hate to say this but both times it happened were because I was busy with JD. The 1st happened when I was trying to carry a bawling JD out of her cot in the middle of the night and the 2nd time was in the bathroom when I was trying to get the mischievous one to bathe. Since then, it's been a week since I carried her and yes, I do miss carrying her.

A week passed & I'm still whining about the pain. I still can't walk normally and I wish I could be lying in bed instead of having to go to work. Each time I get up from sitting for a long time, I can feel the pain searing down my back. It makes think if I didn't have an epidural, would it have made a difference. And I wonder why does my life seem to go downhill after giving birth to JD. It's really bad of me to say such things and I really have to slap myself. I just hope it's a period which will pass quickly enough.

Meanwhile a consolation from all these is that I'm glad JD understands that mommy hurt her back & is in pain. Yesterday whilst I was trying to get her to take her nap, she asked to be carried, but this time round, she specifically asked for mama (as in Ah ma) or Papa and I asked her "can mommy carry you"? She answered "no no" and put her hand on her back, says "mi.. pain". It's moments like this when I could just slam my head against the wall for ever harboring bad thoughts about motherhood.